Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
