I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
