someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
