smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
