Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i have herpe
just one?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
