try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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