Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
