i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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