chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
