im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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