he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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