from now on my penis is your penis
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
