ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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