i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
