she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
