The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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