Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
