Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
