I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
