Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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