I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
