I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
