It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
