I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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