I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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