neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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