I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
