billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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