I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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