note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
