I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Small penises have feelings too.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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