If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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