when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
