I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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