Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
