What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
