...so i touched it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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