I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
