Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
