oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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