My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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