I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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