well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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