I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
