What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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