Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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