this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This is my gift to your gina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize