I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
