Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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