Your face is a jimmy john
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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