we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
