you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
