Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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