i jhust puked up my retainher.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
