Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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