please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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