I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
