i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
