...so i touched it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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