They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
