Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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