I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
