Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
