Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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