it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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