forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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